YES, I AM "STILL" BREASTFEEDING!

...and PROUD OF IT!

I am writing to inform you that I am in fact still breastfeeding. Some of you may be taken a-back by this. You may begin to think "That child is old enough..." or "When will you be done..." or "What if he never wants to quit..."

I am going to try to get this out in the open because I have been doing it discreetly and have never attempted to push my way onto anyone, nor have I even ONCE pushed the "breast is best" articles or information on any family members or friends. I have been there for you when you wanted to talk or agonize over your decisions on what to do for you children. I have given advice when asked and just listened when I wasn't asked. I never criticize what you have chosen and have even defended your choices when others criticized or questioned your views. But I wanted to say that I am glad that my choices are and have been working for my family. I am proud that I have made goals and reached them (and in this case exceeded them). I am not ashamed that I have a toddler who prefers to nurse than to suck on a pacifier. I am not embarrassed that I cuddle him and enjoy his sweet sigh as he begins to nurse in the early morning. Or that I am the first person he comes running to when he wakes up from a REALLY good nap. I LOVE the fact that my little son will crawl up in my lap and say "ba-ba" with the sweetest smile on his face as he reaches for my shirt when he sees his friend drinking her bottle in my arms. I enjoy the fact that I have been able to soothe him quickly and quietly when he gets hurt or upset by simply allowing him a few moments of connection with me.

Due to the fact that I was embarrassed or even slightly annoyed by his continued desire to nurse after my first goal of 18 months was met, I kept it quiet and I limited him even to the point, at times, he would get frustrated and confused at my sternness and firmness. I attempted to get him re-attached to his pacifier only to question my reasoning behind offering him a man-made soother in an attempt to get him to wean from the all-natural method we had perfected together. Was I doing it to free myself from my son? Was I doing it because it was best for him? Was I doing it because I was in some way putting him in harms way or placing him at risk? I realized I was doing it to avoid the critical remarks and to avoid embarrassment  Thinking that through one extremely tiring nap-time, while trying desperately to get him to take the pacifier and to be satisfied with it, I realized that it was the culture that was guiding my decisions, not my heart, nor my mind which were both screaming that there was NOTHING wrong with him nursing instead of using a pacifier.
 My embarrassment was selfish. It was because I felt like I knew what people thought or would think if they knew. I felt embarrassed for myself. My son on the other hand fell right to sleep when he was where he was comfortable and where he felt safe and soothed. It was wrong to be embarrassed by that.

Do I want my child attached to a "binki" at the age of two-and-a-half or would I prefer him being attached to nursing (sure, perhaps the ideal may be that he not be attached to either one but some children just take time.) A "binki" may be the more popular choice and the less criticized, BUT WHY?

What difference is there in the dependence? One is just more socially acceptable. One is frowned upon in the modern, middle-class america. One is allowing your child to suck on a piece of plastic. One is giving added vitamins and nutrients (I'll be it limited in the scope of their diet, but still it is adding something healthy) to their small bodies.

I am in no way saying that a pacifier is not a valid option. But if it is a valid option and accepted why is extended breastfeeding not.

It does not harm the child. It soothes them naturally. Adds calories and nutrients to their diet. It is helping me to reduce my risk of cancer and it helps calm and comfort me as well (as long as I am not thinking about being embarrassed or criticized for what I am doing the whole time I am doing it.). The thoughts I was feeling pushed me to be embarrassed by the fact I was "still" nursing my son. It pushed me to the point that I was wanting to roll my eyes every time he would waddle to me. At times I would feel the need to hide the truth from people because I didn't want to get into a conversation where I would be made to feel uncomfortable or attacked for doing what I felt my son needed me to do at this point in our life.

It is NOT something that I came in thinking I would be doing. I never dreamed someone would be comparing me to a LLL advocate or ambassador (which I used to think were a bunch of women who tandem nursed until the child reached puberty and have since discovered are simply there to encourage in times like this. I do  though feel some of them can get overly aggressive in "asserting" their "opinions" on moms who make a different choice, just like any other person can.) "Still" nursing at 2 isn't something I had set in my mind as a goal, in fact I have set goals for when I would like him to be weaned by only to see them pass by and him still not be ready. I have the mind set that I am not going to force weaning on him "cold-turkey". He is a toddler and not old enough to understand the concept of being able to do something like normal one day and then not the next. Adults even struggle with quitting things "cold-turkey" unless they have mentally and emotionally prepared themselves for what was coming. Why should I expect my 2-year-old to understand the concept?

I am not telling (or asking) you to take my way of thinking and adopt it as your own. I do not wish to push "my way" into "your way". It is not my desire to make you feel bad for your choice, or to make you question why you made those choices. My desire in writing this is to let you know I made my choice and I am proud of my choice. I am proud to "still" be breastfeeding. And I would only ask you to be considerate of that decision and to perhaps catch yourself before you make someone feel badly for the choices they made in parenting.